Well Lookie There

It appears I have ovulated on my own again. Don't really know what day exactly since I wasn't temping most of the cycle but I have narrowed it down to between CD19 and CD 23. I'm leaning more towards CD22 based on temp trends but who knows, I could be wrong. Either way, I've got the usual post-O symptoms. Tender/sore ta-tas, some nausea, some heartburn, some serious irritability etc. I tested once, but if I'm right on my recalculated O day, I was actually only on something like 7DPO so obviously it was negative. I don't plan on testing anymore this cycle though. I'm just going to wait for the inevitable start of my period.

:sigh:

I was really trying to stay optimistic and try the positive thinking and visualization thing, but it's just so hard for me. For almost 6 years combined we've been TTC and I've gotten pregnant 5 times and have just 1 child. Not to mention the years of natural failure (when I FINALLY ovulated 39679576 days into my cycle), and the months of Clomid failures, I just can't stay optimistic anymore. I wouldn't say I'm exactly pessimistic, but when the odds are clearly against you, it's hard to have that little voice that whispers "it's possible it worked" come through.

Only time will tell. My temps aren't looking too out of the ordinary so I'm already pretty sure we're going to be going to our RE appointment on the 26th but it sure would be nice if we didn't have to.

11DPO

Things aren't looking good folks. The progesterone is going down.

My Usual Temp Drop After 10DPO

As well as my symptoms.

Today, it's simply some slightly sore boobs (nothing compared to what they've been) and some cramps.

I should add that my cervix has been hurting which means it's most likely opening due to my impending period. I realize that might sound weird but whenever I'm getting close to ovulation or my period, my cervix gets achy or straight up shooting pains going through it. I'm very in tune with my body so I notice everything.

I was really hoping for my Christmas BFP but I guess Santa decided some 16 year old needs to do a show on MTV instead. =/

9DPO And 10DPO

I didn't get a chance to update yesterday (drama with Charlie wanting to see Santa and then flipping when she saw him) so we're going to do a double update post.

9DPO
My boobs HURT. Like, hurt so bad I'm gonna be straight pissed if I don't end up pregnant and all this pain is for nothing. And it feels like I have implants in because they are kind of hard and just all around not comfortable.

Cramps as usual, backache, some twinges, tired, nausea, headache, heartburn, mood swings...pretty much PMS in a nutshell for me. Ok, except for the overwhelming urge to puke while out to lunch with hubby and Charlie. But that could have just been the Burger King.

10DPO
Took a test this morning. BFN. As I've stated before, if I don't get a positive by 10DPO, I count myself out (although if my ovulation was off by a day, tomorrow would actually be 10DPO so there's   a little hope. But I'm not counting on it).

So far my symptoms today are boob pain (a little less than previous days but still pretty bad), twinges, irritability, tired, slight hormonal headache.

No cramps as of yet but it's still relatively early in the day. Started getting mild intermittent cramping just as I was about to publish this post.

Pretty positive I'm out and we'll be forced to pay an arm and a leg for an IUI.

Can't wait! (There really needs to be a sarcasm font)

Fun Facts:

• We started TTC #2 in September of 2010.

• We are moving on to month 19 (had to take out some actual trying time due to hubby's 3rd deployment)

• Out of the time we have spent TTC #2, I have only ovulated 7 times. One of which resulted in a chemical pregnancy...while in Disney World (I don't know how I get so lucky).

• Since I started seeing my RE in July, I have ovulated just once with his help (this cycle I O'd all on my own). I have spent more time on birth control since seeing him than actually doing anything.

8DPO

Not much to report today. Boobs are very sore but more in the nipple area. Not like last night when it hurt to move lol.

I'm tired, but I've pretty much been tired since ovulation. Progesterone does that to me so I can't really count anything on it. Hubby is very optimistic about this particular symptom, but then again he always is. He thinks because he was totally right about when I was pregnant with the little one, he's going to be right all the time. Ya can't blame him for wishing though.

My thoughts are I'm still not sure if I am. I didn't really feel pregnant when I was pregnant with my daughter, but we were in a position that it didn't really matter. I had an artificial insemination consultation in about 2 or 3 weeks so if it worked, great. If it didn't, we at least had a plan. And ironically, we are right at that same place now too. If I don't get pregnant this month, we are going to be doing an IUI. Maybe that's why I'm on the fence about it. That and I never like to get my hopes up because it makes all those negatives easier on me.

I plan on testing on 10DPO because that is when hubby urged me to test when I was pregnant with my daughter and I got a positive. I pretty much believe if I don't get a positive by then, it just isn't going to happen. I know that's not exactly logical because there are women who don't show positive til much later, or even after they are late for AF and every pregnancy is different. I guess it's just my natural defense against being too crushed.

As far as my temps, a little dip this morning but as we all know one temp doesn't mean much. That and I was a bit cold and I only got about 2 and a half hours of sleep before I temped. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow morning. Typically it would start to fall anyway. My highest temps seem to be the week after ovulation and then shift down a little.

If anyone wants to check out my chart, I have the link to it on the top of the right side column.

6DPO

I swear I feel 90% of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms before pregnancy is even possible. Today I have cramps (for whatever reason) and my c/s scar is aching a bit. The boobs are sore, but no where near as bad as last night.

Last night they hurt to breathe I swear. And my temperature was 99.20° which is super high for me. Even after ovulation. This morning my temp went up a decent amount which I expected because I clearly had a progesterone spike last night.

But I can't take any of this with anything less than a grain of salt. My temp usually stays up pretty high until around 9-10DPO, and while I did implant on 5DPO with my daughter, I haven't felt anything like I did when she implanted. Just some pains here and there but nothing I would consider comparable to when I really implanted.

But it's what keeps me sane. I'm not exactly a pessimistic person (more of a realist I'd say) but the only time I managed to stay pregnant, I felt it and it was early. I just don't believe I could be pregnant if I don't feel implantation by 5DPO.

Although due to wacky sleeping times my ovulation could be off by a day so today very well could be 5DPO.

I guess we'll just need to wait and see.

And hey Santa, I'd really like a + for Christmas.

4DPO

Nothing to really report. Boobs are a bit sore but not like they usually are, I'm a bit crampy, but it obviously means nothing this early on sooooo that's what's going on.

I'm not sure how I feel about this cycle because it really doesn't matter if it doesn't work, we are going to do an IUI which I'm (overly) confident will work.

I wouldn't say I'm optimistic, but I wouldn't say I exactly feel like this cycle is doomed. Although I always feel like every cycle where my boobs don't hurt the way they did the day after ovulation when I was pregnant with the wee one is doomed.

And I haven't been wrong yet.