CD12 (And Some Helpful Explanations)

As I post my symptoms every day, I realize that some people read them and are probably like, HUH?

For instance, ovary pressure. I could probably ask someone what that felt like and they may give me a completely different answer than I would give. So I'm going to go through some of my symptoms and really explain them cuz someone could be experiencing the same thing but use a different term than I do.

• Ovary Pressure- When I say I have ovary pressure, what I'm feeling is a kind of pressure or discomfort where my ovary is. Especially when I pee. Usually when I have a good follicle growing, I'll get a discomfort in the ovary that has the follicle whenever I empty my bladder. It literally feels like the follicle is the size of a baseball and emptying my bladder moved it back to it's normal spot and oh can I feel it. I wouldn't say it's painful all the time, but the bigger it gets the more painful peeing can become. I also feel the pressure throughout the day depending on what I'm doing. Definitely can feel this pretty painfully the bigger the follicle gets during sex. Gets pretty uncomfortable but it's a good sign things are growing so I don't mind it. Basically to me it all feels like a mass/bubble/heaviness in my ovary. I think I explained that the best I could.
• Twinges- Twitches or spasms. Usually when I'm about to ovulate or get my period, my lower abdomen/pelvic area twitches. A few specific random spots over and over again. 
• Cervix Pain- For me it's a stabbing or shooting pain that goes through my cervix. Never experienced this pain before I had my child (who wasn't even delivered naturally) but I get it now whenever my cervix is opening (and sometimes closing).

Another thing I would like to mention is what exactly I am doing this cycle as far as fertility sign tracking. I realize I don't exactly need to do any of this since I am being monitored by ultrasound, but I like to anyway.

This cycle I am

• Temping 
• Using A Fertility Microscope 
• Using OPKs

I may start checking my cervix but it really isn't necessary since we'll be doing IUI.

CD9

Ok, lesson of the day. Don't take an OPK too soon after ending Clomid because you can get a false positive. I've never had a problem with that before but I guess there's always that possibility.

But anyway, here's the symptom list...

• Hot Flashes
• Cervix Pain
• "Fullness" in my lower abdomen by my ovaries

CD8

Wow was yesterday a cranky day for me. I was wondering when the Clomid mood swings would really set in lol. Luckily I have an awesome husband who knows it's just the meds talking. (love you!)

This Picture Immediately Came To Mind

So here is the list of symptoms for today (and as always, it's updated as they occur):

• Tired (could just be the past week catching up with me though)
• Sensitive Nipples
• Ovary Pressure
• Cramping (especially in ovary area)
• Ovary Pain
• Hot Flashes

CD7

Today is my last dose of Clomid. Not much to report. I'm a little cranky today but that could just be from the puppy. I have no pressure in my ovaries but that doesn't mean nothing is happening. It just means they aren't big enough yet which obviously wouldn't be happening on CD 7 anyway.

List of symptoms:

• Irritability 
• Ovary Pain
• Hot Flashes
• Sensitive Nipples

CD6

Ok, CD6. There were a few days there I didn't update, but mainly cuz nothing was really going on. (Plus my best friends were in town so we were pretty busy).

SO here is the update.

I started Clomid on CD3 and surprisingly haven't had too many side effects. I've got my usual hot flashes and some ovary pain and maybe a little nausea (but that's not entirely Clomid related, I get nauseous close to ovulation on natural cycles too) and I was dizzy for maybe half a second on CD4 I believe. Ok and we can't forget the irritability on CD4 too.

I've been keeping track of all my symptoms on Fertility Friend for both my obsession and the surveys I take at every appointment for the PCOS study. If I don't track it all, I'll forget everything the second I go to write it down.

Fertility Friend has been the best thing I've ever done to chart my cycles and symptoms and honestly, I've learned a lot about my body's pre-ovulation signs in the 6+ years I've been keeping track. I highly recommend it to anyone trying to conceive because you never know if that eye twitch you get every so often doesn't end up coinciding with ovulation. Trust me, I have some odd ovulation signs that I never would have thought could be ovulation signs if I didn't chart and notice a trend.

But anyway, I go for my first follicle check on Friday and hopefully we see some growers.

UPDATE: I also ended up having some cervix pain which is always a good indicator of ovulation (and AF). Whenever my cervix hurts, it's because it's opening.

List of symptoms:

• Hot Flashes
• Ovary Pain
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Irritability
• Cervix Pain

CD2!

Yesterday I got my period unexpectedly early. Since I was on Provera, I wasn't expecting it for a few more days but I am totally fine with it coming early! So I called and set up my baseline ultrasound and had it today. Everything went well! I still have a bunch of cysts on both ovaries but there's one on my right side that is at a 6 and she said that should be the one that progresses with Clomid. I also get to start the Clomid tomorrow on CD3 which I've been begging doctors to do since my second cycle on it years ago. And I didn't even have to ask! She just told me start it tomorrow. And I also just got the call that I will be in the stair-step group of the study so if I don't respond to the Clomid, they just up my dosage instead of canceling my cycle. Super happy and super excited to get things going! My first follicle check is on the 17th and if all goes well, the IUI will be a few days after. :)

Step 1

Got the results from my blood work back today. I did not ovulate! (Who ever thought I'd ever be excited to say that). So I started Provera today and in about 2 weeks when it's cycle day 1, I call to set up my baseline ultrasound and we get this IUI show on the road!

Progress!

Oh. My. God. I love my new RE!!! She is super nice, her nurses are super nice, and she asked me what *I* want to do! Even the internal ultrasound was painless which is awesome since they always were fairly painful with my other doc. And best of all, I get to participate in a study on PCOS and Clomid! And with it comes a discount on IUI! I even asked her if I wasn't close to ovulation if I could start Provera to get things rolling and she said yup! I just have to wait on blood test results to make sure I haven't ovulated (since the ultrasound showed tons of follicles but no dominant one) and I can start Provera. And as soon as I get my period I go in for a baseline ultrasound and sign the consent for the study and start the Clomid! Oh my gosh I'm so excited I don't know what to do with myself!

I can't believe this is really finally happening!!!

Well Lookie There

It appears I have ovulated on my own again. Don't really know what day exactly since I wasn't temping most of the cycle but I have narrowed it down to between CD19 and CD 23. I'm leaning more towards CD22 based on temp trends but who knows, I could be wrong. Either way, I've got the usual post-O symptoms. Tender/sore ta-tas, some nausea, some heartburn, some serious irritability etc. I tested once, but if I'm right on my recalculated O day, I was actually only on something like 7DPO so obviously it was negative. I don't plan on testing anymore this cycle though. I'm just going to wait for the inevitable start of my period.

:sigh:

I was really trying to stay optimistic and try the positive thinking and visualization thing, but it's just so hard for me. For almost 6 years combined we've been TTC and I've gotten pregnant 5 times and have just 1 child. Not to mention the years of natural failure (when I FINALLY ovulated 39679576 days into my cycle), and the months of Clomid failures, I just can't stay optimistic anymore. I wouldn't say I'm exactly pessimistic, but when the odds are clearly against you, it's hard to have that little voice that whispers "it's possible it worked" come through.

Only time will tell. My temps aren't looking too out of the ordinary so I'm already pretty sure we're going to be going to our RE appointment on the 26th but it sure would be nice if we didn't have to.

Low Blood Iron And Infertility

I'm constantly on a search for a reason as to why I can't conceive. I know I have PCOS, I know I have hostile cervical fluid, and until recently, I knew my weight was an issue.

However, I got to thinking about low iron. When I was younger I had an iron deficiency issue and I had to take pills to correct it. I know I don't get anywhere near enough iron out of my diet cuz my calorie app tells me so. I think the highest I've ever gotten in 1 week is 44% out of 100%. Not to mention I have all but maybe 1 of the symptoms of low iron.

That's not so good.

So I thought to myself, I wonder if there is a link between infertility and low iron. Turns out, there is.

This article talks about how low iron can cause you to be anovulatory. And it makes total sense. If you already have low iron, your body doesn't want to make it lower by getting your period. So it stops you from ovulating so you don't get your period regularly. Plus it goes on to say that even if by chance you do ovulate, the pregnancy will be hard to sustain because you don't have the sufficient amount of iron to support it so you end up miscarrying.

It makes me wonder for sure. I'm torn between doing nothing different and having my new RE check my iron levels or starting a my pre-natal vitamin (I know, I know. I should be on it anyway).

I'm leaning towards the vitamin. This way I can build everything up in my system before we do IUI so we have better chances.

But I'll still have her check my iron levels. I really want this IUI to work and I want to make sure I am healthy enough to sustain a pregnancy.

Well So Much For That Idea...

I've been reading up a lot on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). I'm not really into taking medicines and stuff like that (which is funny since I'm on Phentermine, Metformin, and take a generic sleep aid) but with infertility, it's not really something you can avoid. Kind of.

I would love to say "to hell with all these fertility meds" and just go the natural route. However, insurance doesn't cover "natural" and it sure isn't cheap.

I called to see if an acupuncturist in my area does fertility acupuncture. Well, as it turns out, they do.  But, (there's always a but) it will cost me $70 the first session and $50 for every session after that with them wanting to do at least 10 sessions. Which in the end would cost between $520-$570 depending on if they count the first session into the 10 sessions or not. Yeah, I have the money to do it, but that is money we already have set aside for an IUI. Right now, we have enough money to do 2 IUIs so we can do 2 consecutive cycles in a row to help increase our chances (if the first IUI doesn't work). I just don't think I want to sacrifice an IUI for acupuncture. Ok, I really do, but I'm just not sure if I should. 

It's a hard decision.

I Wish Someone Had Warned Me

Many people swear by TCM, but there are also some pretty darn good statistics with IUI too. I'm spending roughly the same amount of money either way but I just don't know if I should chance wasting my money on something that could work vs something that does work (for most that do it).

See my dilemma?

I suppose I could go ahead with the acupuncture and spend the next couple months before we even do our first IUI saving up the money for a second IUI, but it's risky. Whenever you need to save money is when something comes up where you end up needing to spend money you had planned on saving and I just don't want to take that chance.

Although I do have the security deposit coming back from our old place...

Long Overdue Update

So a friend of mine recently started blogging. I then realized I haven't blogged in quite a while. Mostly it's because we are stuck not trying for now, but we also recently moved so much of my time has been consumed by that.

So let's see. What has happened since my last post...

We moved. Thank goodness! We finally got a house on post and best of all, it's a brand new house, I mean brand.new. No one has lived in it since it was built so it was nice to come in and have to do generally deep cleaning rather than clean up previous tenant's mess deep cleaning.

We bought a new car! Well, an SUV crossover really. It's a 2013 Dodge Journey. It was a pain in the butt to get it due to the first dealership we went to trying to royally screw us over by only offering us $500 for my 2009 Cobalt sedan (among other things they tried to screw us over with) which is in perfect running condition and has general wear and tear for a 4 year old car that has traveled from Alaska to Louisiana to Buffalo (and back and forth between the 2 over 2 years) to Disney World to Oklahoma to Ft. Benning back to Oklahoma and back and forth to Buffalo a couple times. It had 80,000 miles on it. You get the picture lol. We ended up going to a different dealer who was MUCH more cooperative and instantly gave us $6500 for our trade in and a helluva better deal (no money down and still cheaper than the other guys where we were gonna put $2,000 down) We also got to save on taxes since hubby is still a resident of Alaska. Woot!

I've lost weight! At this point I'm 1.5 months-ish deep into weight loss pills. I have officially, as of today, lost 16.3 pounds. I'm hoping to squeeze out at the very least 5 more pounds. Initially my goal weight was 120 with my ultimate goal weight being 115. I only have to lose 1.7lbs to get to my original goal weight so I think that one is pretty doable. I'm fairly confident I can make it to 115 too.

And last, but certainly not least, we have an appointment set for our new RE!!! We go on April 26th for our first appointment. I've been researching her like crazy and I really like what I'm reading. She so far seems very accomplished, intelligent, and progressive. And every patient review I've read says she is very nice, will take the time to answer questions you may have (and not make you feel rushed) and more than 1 said she didn't make you feel like a statistic. I still worry about the 3 IUI limit before moving to IVF, but I really think just 1 IUI is all we will need. (I hope)

So that is what is going on with me right now. Some more waiting but at least this time we know an IUI is most certainly in our future. The money is there and waiting and so are the meds. Just gotta see if they are gonna have me do a month of birth control first (which I assume they will since I haven't had my period since 1/18).

Shit just got real.

We Are On TTC Hold.

So with not having an RE at the moment, and me being in limbo on whether or not I'm going to get these weight loss pills, we are on a TTC hold.

I hate it.

Seriously, I get it.

I can't get pregnant without an RE, with this weight on me, or while on birth control. But that's just what I'm going to have to deal with I guess. I don't know how long it's going to take to find a new RE that will accept my stupid insurance, and if I don't get the weight loss pills, who knows how long it will take me to lose this weight (believe me I've tried and worked out for a month straight 6-7 days a week for an hour a day and lost a whopping 1 pound).

But I've decided if I don't get the weight loss pills, I'm staying off birth control. I can't waste my precious TTC time sitting around on birth control waiting to afford an IUI (which will no doubt be more expensive now). I've gotten pregnant before on my own and I'm confident we can do it again. I don't care if it takes another year, I'm not wasting my time on birth control anymore. The only time I will do birth control again is the month before we do an IUI to make sure I have no cysts that could cause a problem.

Ya know, a friend of mine said to me, 'When will you guys catch a break'? Believe me, I'm wondering the same thing.

Well Happy New Year To Me

Today we got a letter in the mail from my RE's office. I thought to myself, great, this must be a bill or something for something Tricare decided not to cover.

Well, I was wrong. It's a letter to inform me that my doctor will be retiring 1 month from today.

The letter recommends we go to Oklahoma University for treatment and so far research has shown that they will only do 3 IUIs and then your only option is IVF.

We simply cannot afford IVF. Especially since Tricare will not cover anything at all for anything that isn't timed intercourse.

So needless to say I'll be discussing my options with my doctor on the 4th to see who we can go to and how long it will take to get an appointment.

I'm feeling pretty defeated right now. Especially since I had to start birth control again last night.

And it's going to drive me nuts never knowing just how much an IUI would have cost with my doctor now.

Cycle Update And Future Plans

I realize I haven't updated the rest of my cycle but it really doesn't matter. I had a hefty temperature drop yesterday morning and then right before bed I started spotting. I woke up with quite the flow this morning.

So I'm not pregnant.

Now I could go straight into my birth control today, finish a month of that out and then do our IUI after that but I just can't do that without losing weight first. The main reasons we can't get pregnant on our own are because I don't ovulate on my own (well, normally) and my cervical fluid is too hostile. I know that. But another reason is my weight. PCOS has been unkind to me in that department and when we first started trying for a baby back in 2007, I stopped taking birth control and went from 95lbs to 135lbs in a year. I gained nearly 20lbs in the first 6 months alone. I've been skinny as a twig my whole life with no trying whatsoever and now I'm just huge*. And I hate it.

So here is the plan.

I have a doctor's appointment on the 4th to get weight loss pills from my doctor. She had offered them to me back in July but I really wanted to try on my own because I figured with some exercise and watching what I ate and reducing my caloric intake, I could lose the weight in no time. Yeah, that hasn't exactly worked. I actually weigh 7 pounds more now than when I first started working out. I know some could argue it's muscle, but it's not. And I know it's not because I am still fat. I did lose some inches on my waist and my hips but it is slowly coming back and it's really not helping to motivate me to exercise. I mean, who wants to kill themselves 7 days a week for no results? I spent at least 7 hours a week exercising for little to no change and I think these pills will help me out for sure.

And before anyone starts thinking, 'oh you're just looking for a quick fix', well, I'm not. I know I am still going to have to exercise and watch what I eat. That is not an issue for me. The issue is doing everything right and getting no results. I need a little booster to help me along. I've read countless stories of women who use weight loss pills and rave about how they lost X amount of weight in X amount of time and 'I didn't have to workout once'!

That's not realistic.

And trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't actually need it. I'm no fan of taking medicine for anything unless I really need to. And right now I'm desperate.

And I should add this isn't a completely vain thing either. Do I want to look good and get skinny again? Yes, but that is not the only reason I am doing this (especially since if I lose the weight and then get pregnant, I'll gain about 20lbs back). The number 1 right now is to conceive. It's just not gonna happen at this weight and I can't spend all that money on an IUI for it to not work because I'm overweight. I got pregnant with Charlie when I was around 124lbs and I need to lose 13lbs to get to that weight. I'd like to lose 20lbs total but I think 15lbs will be just enough. I don't want to lose too much at this point because I know that won't help either. Another reason is health. Between my PCOS and my mom having diabetes, I am at double the risk of most people for getting it. Not to mention I ended up with gestational diabetes while I was pregnant cuz I stopped taking Metformin (I literally failed by 1 point). And I don't need any heart disease issues that are already elevated from PCOS too.

And I want to be fit enough to play with my daughter for extended periods of time and if by chance I do end up pregnant, I don't want to have to stop playing with her because I'm pregnant and too tired. I want to keep my energy levels up and being heavy doesn't exactly give you much energy.

Ok, and I'd also love to look pregnant next time around, not just fat.

I just hope she doesn't change her mind about giving me these pills because I really have tried to lose weight on my own and I just need help.

So there's the plan. Lose this weight, do a month of birth control to get any residual weight loss pills out of my system (and get rid of any potential cysts on my ovaries), and then do the IUI. I'm figuring this will take anywhere from 2-4 months.

*I should probably mention that I'm not morbidly obese or anything like that. I'm 5'1" and 137.1lbs. I'm just overweight. I didn't hit the 100lb mark until I went off birth control so we could start TTC 6 years ago. Up until then my weight was a near constant 95lbs. So while some people may be like omg get over it you're not that huge, to me, I am. I'm at my heaviest and I am now nearly 50lbs heavier than I was before TTC. Not. Cool.

11DPO

Things aren't looking good folks. The progesterone is going down.

My Usual Temp Drop After 10DPO

As well as my symptoms.

Today, it's simply some slightly sore boobs (nothing compared to what they've been) and some cramps.

I should add that my cervix has been hurting which means it's most likely opening due to my impending period. I realize that might sound weird but whenever I'm getting close to ovulation or my period, my cervix gets achy or straight up shooting pains going through it. I'm very in tune with my body so I notice everything.

I was really hoping for my Christmas BFP but I guess Santa decided some 16 year old needs to do a show on MTV instead. =/

8DPO

Not much to report today. Boobs are very sore but more in the nipple area. Not like last night when it hurt to move lol.

I'm tired, but I've pretty much been tired since ovulation. Progesterone does that to me so I can't really count anything on it. Hubby is very optimistic about this particular symptom, but then again he always is. He thinks because he was totally right about when I was pregnant with the little one, he's going to be right all the time. Ya can't blame him for wishing though.

My thoughts are I'm still not sure if I am. I didn't really feel pregnant when I was pregnant with my daughter, but we were in a position that it didn't really matter. I had an artificial insemination consultation in about 2 or 3 weeks so if it worked, great. If it didn't, we at least had a plan. And ironically, we are right at that same place now too. If I don't get pregnant this month, we are going to be doing an IUI. Maybe that's why I'm on the fence about it. That and I never like to get my hopes up because it makes all those negatives easier on me.

I plan on testing on 10DPO because that is when hubby urged me to test when I was pregnant with my daughter and I got a positive. I pretty much believe if I don't get a positive by then, it just isn't going to happen. I know that's not exactly logical because there are women who don't show positive til much later, or even after they are late for AF and every pregnancy is different. I guess it's just my natural defense against being too crushed.

As far as my temps, a little dip this morning but as we all know one temp doesn't mean much. That and I was a bit cold and I only got about 2 and a half hours of sleep before I temped. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow morning. Typically it would start to fall anyway. My highest temps seem to be the week after ovulation and then shift down a little.

If anyone wants to check out my chart, I have the link to it on the top of the right side column.

You'd Think I'd Be Used To Waiting By Now

Between TTC and deployments, you'd think I'd be totally used to waiting for things. Waiting for ovulation, waiting for a birth control cycle to end, waiting for even a chance at having a baby, waiting for Hubby to come home etc.

I should be all cool, calm, and collected.

But really, I'm all like this...

Just confirm the damn ovulation already!!!!!

I think some of the worst of waiting during TTC is the waiting for ovulation confirmation. As if it's not bad enough that it usually takes me 149459397845 days to ovulate, I then have to wait an extra 3-4 days for a thermal shift to register on my chart.

I know, I know, 3 days is not that much.

Normally. 

But 3 days in TTC time is worse than 5 minutes in football time. It. Goes On. For-ev-er.

And then, once you finally do get those elusive crosshairs, you get to spend the next 2 weeks waiting to find out if your uterus will turn into a temporary house for your precious little baby, or if it will go apeshit and throw a huge temper tantrum.

I just couldn't NOT post this bit of hilarity

So that's where I'm at right now. Waiting to see if my surge was real and that I did indeed ovulate. My head is leaning towards no because my only "symptoms" of ovulation I've had this time around are my boobs got a bit bigger/fuller (of course) and the nips seem to be a tad more sensitive. 

But my chart looks pretty good. I had a temp rise yesterday morning but I can't count on that one because I took it way later than normal since the wee one was up for some unknown reason til nearly 5am but today's went up pretty good and I actually got the 3 hours of sleep I needed before-hand and I even temped at the proper time. (Ok, actually I temped 15 minutes earlier cuz that's when Hubby got up but it still counts as on time by FF standards).

So now, I WAIT.

December 11th Is Apparently A Good Day For Conception

So I read an article today about how December 11th is considered the most fertile day. Apparently a shit-ton of babies are conceived on this date.

I'm starting to believe this.

After getting what were thisclose to positive OPKs and then a day of EWCM, my temp rose and I got crosshairs on my chart. But I knew better than that. First off, my sleep was all over the place and on top of that, the wee one kept waking up at just the right time for me to not be able to temp or for it to be really inaccurate. Not to mention I had NO symptoms of impending ovulation at all and I know what I should be experiencing by now.

However, I got my (hopefully) real positive today, my temp dipped yesterday (which usually is what happens a few days before O), and I definitely feel a little "full" in my uterus/ovaries area.

Did I also mention this is a NON-medicated cycle and I'm only on CD21*?!

So here's to hoping that December 11th really is the most fertile day!

*I realize to some CD21 is actually quite late but with my crazy long cycles, this is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

If All Goes According To Plan...

We will be doing IUI in January!!!!!

Between the money we have saved up, the surprise $200 we got from Hubby's parents, and the money we will be getting for Christmas from my parents and my sister, we will have just about enough to do an IUI. Add in some extra money saved until then and we have enough. And might even have enough left over for a cheap lunch to go along with it!

So basically the plan right now is, start birth control, call for appointments, start Clomid and hope for the best.

This starts next Sunday. It will probably be the longest month of my life since we have already been 1) trying for our second one for so long and 2) we started going to our RE in July, and didn't even do our first Clomid cycle until the end of September.

Honestly, it isn't that bad though because it's only been a month and a half since we found out we had to do IUI and we already are doing it next month. I just wish Tricare would help with the cost a little bit more because we could be wasting a lot less time if they would. I'm not getting any younger here and military pay doesn't exactly support a procedure that will cost us anywhere from $450-$800(ish) out of pocket.*

So the game plan is set and we just have to wait it out now. I'm just crossing everything I have that the first time works.



*Well, they do cover it but you have to go to one of their Military Treatment Facilities (MTF) to have it covered and the nearest one to us is 7 hours away. Not exactly convenient.


For anyone interested in what happens in an IUI or doesn't know what it is, follow this link HERE to my info blog. There's also a pretty informative video to check out too.