6dpiui

So today is 6dpiui (days past IUI), 7dpo (days past ovulation), and 8 days past trigger (no fancy abbreviation for that one).

My chart says I ovulated the day before the IUI and based on ovulation pains followed by lack of ovary pressure on that day I'd have to agree. An egg can live up to 24 hours after it's released so let's hope mine did just that.

The trigger shot is still in my system. A pregnancy test taken this morning showed a faint line and since it's very unlikely I already implanted and have enough hCG in my system to register positive, I know it's from the trigger. Last time it was out by 6dpo but I guess it's like a pregnancy and can be different every time. I'm expecting it to be fully out by tomorrow or at the latest Thursday.

As far as symptoms go, not too much to report. I'm very sleepy but it's probably from the trigger shot and/or waking up early. Heightened sense of smell is there but that's a post ovulation thing for me. So is a bit of nausea every now and again (check!) so not much to go off of for pregnancy symptoms. I've also got my usual twinges and pains in my uterus and my cervix has been hurting so those point to AF coming. Noticeably (and thankfully) absent are the headaches. I usually get them nearly every day after ovulation but I haven't had one...yet. my worst ones come a couple days before AF arrives so we'll see.

We're one week down and one to go. My chart looks great but that really doesn't mean much at all. Women with great charts don't end up pregnant and women with crappy charts do. Happens all the time.

Only time will tell...

UPDATE: Mild headache. Crap.

IUI Day!

I'm all inseminated. Procedure was fine. Things got a little complicated because my uterus/cervix is tilted so they had to re-adjust the speculum a couple times (which one thing no one tells you is they can't use lube so that's fun) and they had to change catheters to get past the tilt but after that, smooth sailing. Pain free with just minor cramping afterwards. I am a little tender now but it's not horrible.

So let the 2ww begin!

CD12 (And Some Helpful Explanations)

As I post my symptoms every day, I realize that some people read them and are probably like, HUH?

For instance, ovary pressure. I could probably ask someone what that felt like and they may give me a completely different answer than I would give. So I'm going to go through some of my symptoms and really explain them cuz someone could be experiencing the same thing but use a different term than I do.

• Ovary Pressure- When I say I have ovary pressure, what I'm feeling is a kind of pressure or discomfort where my ovary is. Especially when I pee. Usually when I have a good follicle growing, I'll get a discomfort in the ovary that has the follicle whenever I empty my bladder. It literally feels like the follicle is the size of a baseball and emptying my bladder moved it back to it's normal spot and oh can I feel it. I wouldn't say it's painful all the time, but the bigger it gets the more painful peeing can become. I also feel the pressure throughout the day depending on what I'm doing. Definitely can feel this pretty painfully the bigger the follicle gets during sex. Gets pretty uncomfortable but it's a good sign things are growing so I don't mind it. Basically to me it all feels like a mass/bubble/heaviness in my ovary. I think I explained that the best I could.
• Twinges- Twitches or spasms. Usually when I'm about to ovulate or get my period, my lower abdomen/pelvic area twitches. A few specific random spots over and over again. 
• Cervix Pain- For me it's a stabbing or shooting pain that goes through my cervix. Never experienced this pain before I had my child (who wasn't even delivered naturally) but I get it now whenever my cervix is opening (and sometimes closing).

Another thing I would like to mention is what exactly I am doing this cycle as far as fertility sign tracking. I realize I don't exactly need to do any of this since I am being monitored by ultrasound, but I like to anyway.

This cycle I am

• Temping 
• Using A Fertility Microscope 
• Using OPKs

I may start checking my cervix but it really isn't necessary since we'll be doing IUI.

CD11

Had my follicle scan this morning. As I thought, I don't have any follicles big enough yet. But I'm only on CD11 so it's not that big of a deal. I do however have 1 follicle on my left side that is at 12mm. When I did my last medicated cycle, I did Clomid on days 5-9. Four days after stopping Clomid I had 1 follicle on my right ovary at 11mm. This time it's a 12. I know it's only the difference of a millimeter but I feel like days 3-7 work better for me.

I go back in Monday for another scan to see if it's ready and if it is, I'll do the trigger shot that night and the IUI will be Tuesday morning.

Now the question will be, will I keep just the one follicle or end up with 2 like last time?

I'm hoping for 2.

I wanted to add that my uterine lining was at 5.9mm. My last RE never said anything out loud while he was measuring so I never knew what my lining was at. This doctor is amazing and relays everything to her nurse out loud.

5.9mm for my cycle day is good. They want your lining between 6mm and 12mm (some say as much as 14mm is good too) and since I'm only on CD11, and your lining typically grows 1mm per day, I should be at 8.9mm on Monday for my next scan and 9.9mm on Tuesday for my IUI. 

List of symptoms:

• Headache
• Hot Flashes
• Twinges
• Ovary Pressure

CD10

Headache
Irritability
Ovary Pressure

I think that's all my symptoms today. It's been a long day so it's not a pretty post like usual.

Follicle scan in the morning. Don't have high hopes for any good sized follicles (because I'm a slow start) so basically I'll probably be going back in for another in a few days.

CD9

Ok, lesson of the day. Don't take an OPK too soon after ending Clomid because you can get a false positive. I've never had a problem with that before but I guess there's always that possibility.

But anyway, here's the symptom list...

• Hot Flashes
• Cervix Pain
• "Fullness" in my lower abdomen by my ovaries

CD8

Wow was yesterday a cranky day for me. I was wondering when the Clomid mood swings would really set in lol. Luckily I have an awesome husband who knows it's just the meds talking. (love you!)

This Picture Immediately Came To Mind

So here is the list of symptoms for today (and as always, it's updated as they occur):

• Tired (could just be the past week catching up with me though)
• Sensitive Nipples
• Ovary Pressure
• Cramping (especially in ovary area)
• Ovary Pain
• Hot Flashes

CD7

Today is my last dose of Clomid. Not much to report. I'm a little cranky today but that could just be from the puppy. I have no pressure in my ovaries but that doesn't mean nothing is happening. It just means they aren't big enough yet which obviously wouldn't be happening on CD 7 anyway.

List of symptoms:

• Irritability 
• Ovary Pain
• Hot Flashes
• Sensitive Nipples

CD6

Ok, CD6. There were a few days there I didn't update, but mainly cuz nothing was really going on. (Plus my best friends were in town so we were pretty busy).

SO here is the update.

I started Clomid on CD3 and surprisingly haven't had too many side effects. I've got my usual hot flashes and some ovary pain and maybe a little nausea (but that's not entirely Clomid related, I get nauseous close to ovulation on natural cycles too) and I was dizzy for maybe half a second on CD4 I believe. Ok and we can't forget the irritability on CD4 too.

I've been keeping track of all my symptoms on Fertility Friend for both my obsession and the surveys I take at every appointment for the PCOS study. If I don't track it all, I'll forget everything the second I go to write it down.

Fertility Friend has been the best thing I've ever done to chart my cycles and symptoms and honestly, I've learned a lot about my body's pre-ovulation signs in the 6+ years I've been keeping track. I highly recommend it to anyone trying to conceive because you never know if that eye twitch you get every so often doesn't end up coinciding with ovulation. Trust me, I have some odd ovulation signs that I never would have thought could be ovulation signs if I didn't chart and notice a trend.

But anyway, I go for my first follicle check on Friday and hopefully we see some growers.

UPDATE: I also ended up having some cervix pain which is always a good indicator of ovulation (and AF). Whenever my cervix hurts, it's because it's opening.

List of symptoms:

• Hot Flashes
• Ovary Pain
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Irritability
• Cervix Pain

CD2!

Yesterday I got my period unexpectedly early. Since I was on Provera, I wasn't expecting it for a few more days but I am totally fine with it coming early! So I called and set up my baseline ultrasound and had it today. Everything went well! I still have a bunch of cysts on both ovaries but there's one on my right side that is at a 6 and she said that should be the one that progresses with Clomid. I also get to start the Clomid tomorrow on CD3 which I've been begging doctors to do since my second cycle on it years ago. And I didn't even have to ask! She just told me start it tomorrow. And I also just got the call that I will be in the stair-step group of the study so if I don't respond to the Clomid, they just up my dosage instead of canceling my cycle. Super happy and super excited to get things going! My first follicle check is on the 17th and if all goes well, the IUI will be a few days after. :)

Step 1

Got the results from my blood work back today. I did not ovulate! (Who ever thought I'd ever be excited to say that). So I started Provera today and in about 2 weeks when it's cycle day 1, I call to set up my baseline ultrasound and we get this IUI show on the road!

Progress!

Oh. My. God. I love my new RE!!! She is super nice, her nurses are super nice, and she asked me what *I* want to do! Even the internal ultrasound was painless which is awesome since they always were fairly painful with my other doc. And best of all, I get to participate in a study on PCOS and Clomid! And with it comes a discount on IUI! I even asked her if I wasn't close to ovulation if I could start Provera to get things rolling and she said yup! I just have to wait on blood test results to make sure I haven't ovulated (since the ultrasound showed tons of follicles but no dominant one) and I can start Provera. And as soon as I get my period I go in for a baseline ultrasound and sign the consent for the study and start the Clomid! Oh my gosh I'm so excited I don't know what to do with myself!

I can't believe this is really finally happening!!!

Well Lookie There

It appears I have ovulated on my own again. Don't really know what day exactly since I wasn't temping most of the cycle but I have narrowed it down to between CD19 and CD 23. I'm leaning more towards CD22 based on temp trends but who knows, I could be wrong. Either way, I've got the usual post-O symptoms. Tender/sore ta-tas, some nausea, some heartburn, some serious irritability etc. I tested once, but if I'm right on my recalculated O day, I was actually only on something like 7DPO so obviously it was negative. I don't plan on testing anymore this cycle though. I'm just going to wait for the inevitable start of my period.

:sigh:

I was really trying to stay optimistic and try the positive thinking and visualization thing, but it's just so hard for me. For almost 6 years combined we've been TTC and I've gotten pregnant 5 times and have just 1 child. Not to mention the years of natural failure (when I FINALLY ovulated 39679576 days into my cycle), and the months of Clomid failures, I just can't stay optimistic anymore. I wouldn't say I'm exactly pessimistic, but when the odds are clearly against you, it's hard to have that little voice that whispers "it's possible it worked" come through.

Only time will tell. My temps aren't looking too out of the ordinary so I'm already pretty sure we're going to be going to our RE appointment on the 26th but it sure would be nice if we didn't have to.

Low Blood Iron And Infertility

I'm constantly on a search for a reason as to why I can't conceive. I know I have PCOS, I know I have hostile cervical fluid, and until recently, I knew my weight was an issue.

However, I got to thinking about low iron. When I was younger I had an iron deficiency issue and I had to take pills to correct it. I know I don't get anywhere near enough iron out of my diet cuz my calorie app tells me so. I think the highest I've ever gotten in 1 week is 44% out of 100%. Not to mention I have all but maybe 1 of the symptoms of low iron.

That's not so good.

So I thought to myself, I wonder if there is a link between infertility and low iron. Turns out, there is.

This article talks about how low iron can cause you to be anovulatory. And it makes total sense. If you already have low iron, your body doesn't want to make it lower by getting your period. So it stops you from ovulating so you don't get your period regularly. Plus it goes on to say that even if by chance you do ovulate, the pregnancy will be hard to sustain because you don't have the sufficient amount of iron to support it so you end up miscarrying.

It makes me wonder for sure. I'm torn between doing nothing different and having my new RE check my iron levels or starting a my pre-natal vitamin (I know, I know. I should be on it anyway).

I'm leaning towards the vitamin. This way I can build everything up in my system before we do IUI so we have better chances.

But I'll still have her check my iron levels. I really want this IUI to work and I want to make sure I am healthy enough to sustain a pregnancy.

Well So Much For That Idea...

I've been reading up a lot on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). I'm not really into taking medicines and stuff like that (which is funny since I'm on Phentermine, Metformin, and take a generic sleep aid) but with infertility, it's not really something you can avoid. Kind of.

I would love to say "to hell with all these fertility meds" and just go the natural route. However, insurance doesn't cover "natural" and it sure isn't cheap.

I called to see if an acupuncturist in my area does fertility acupuncture. Well, as it turns out, they do.  But, (there's always a but) it will cost me $70 the first session and $50 for every session after that with them wanting to do at least 10 sessions. Which in the end would cost between $520-$570 depending on if they count the first session into the 10 sessions or not. Yeah, I have the money to do it, but that is money we already have set aside for an IUI. Right now, we have enough money to do 2 IUIs so we can do 2 consecutive cycles in a row to help increase our chances (if the first IUI doesn't work). I just don't think I want to sacrifice an IUI for acupuncture. Ok, I really do, but I'm just not sure if I should. 

It's a hard decision.

I Wish Someone Had Warned Me

Many people swear by TCM, but there are also some pretty darn good statistics with IUI too. I'm spending roughly the same amount of money either way but I just don't know if I should chance wasting my money on something that could work vs something that does work (for most that do it).

See my dilemma?

I suppose I could go ahead with the acupuncture and spend the next couple months before we even do our first IUI saving up the money for a second IUI, but it's risky. Whenever you need to save money is when something comes up where you end up needing to spend money you had planned on saving and I just don't want to take that chance.

Although I do have the security deposit coming back from our old place...

Long Overdue Update

So a friend of mine recently started blogging. I then realized I haven't blogged in quite a while. Mostly it's because we are stuck not trying for now, but we also recently moved so much of my time has been consumed by that.

So let's see. What has happened since my last post...

We moved. Thank goodness! We finally got a house on post and best of all, it's a brand new house, I mean brand.new. No one has lived in it since it was built so it was nice to come in and have to do generally deep cleaning rather than clean up previous tenant's mess deep cleaning.

We bought a new car! Well, an SUV crossover really. It's a 2013 Dodge Journey. It was a pain in the butt to get it due to the first dealership we went to trying to royally screw us over by only offering us $500 for my 2009 Cobalt sedan (among other things they tried to screw us over with) which is in perfect running condition and has general wear and tear for a 4 year old car that has traveled from Alaska to Louisiana to Buffalo (and back and forth between the 2 over 2 years) to Disney World to Oklahoma to Ft. Benning back to Oklahoma and back and forth to Buffalo a couple times. It had 80,000 miles on it. You get the picture lol. We ended up going to a different dealer who was MUCH more cooperative and instantly gave us $6500 for our trade in and a helluva better deal (no money down and still cheaper than the other guys where we were gonna put $2,000 down) We also got to save on taxes since hubby is still a resident of Alaska. Woot!

I've lost weight! At this point I'm 1.5 months-ish deep into weight loss pills. I have officially, as of today, lost 16.3 pounds. I'm hoping to squeeze out at the very least 5 more pounds. Initially my goal weight was 120 with my ultimate goal weight being 115. I only have to lose 1.7lbs to get to my original goal weight so I think that one is pretty doable. I'm fairly confident I can make it to 115 too.

And last, but certainly not least, we have an appointment set for our new RE!!! We go on April 26th for our first appointment. I've been researching her like crazy and I really like what I'm reading. She so far seems very accomplished, intelligent, and progressive. And every patient review I've read says she is very nice, will take the time to answer questions you may have (and not make you feel rushed) and more than 1 said she didn't make you feel like a statistic. I still worry about the 3 IUI limit before moving to IVF, but I really think just 1 IUI is all we will need. (I hope)

So that is what is going on with me right now. Some more waiting but at least this time we know an IUI is most certainly in our future. The money is there and waiting and so are the meds. Just gotta see if they are gonna have me do a month of birth control first (which I assume they will since I haven't had my period since 1/18).

Shit just got real.

We Are On TTC Hold.

So with not having an RE at the moment, and me being in limbo on whether or not I'm going to get these weight loss pills, we are on a TTC hold.

I hate it.

Seriously, I get it.

I can't get pregnant without an RE, with this weight on me, or while on birth control. But that's just what I'm going to have to deal with I guess. I don't know how long it's going to take to find a new RE that will accept my stupid insurance, and if I don't get the weight loss pills, who knows how long it will take me to lose this weight (believe me I've tried and worked out for a month straight 6-7 days a week for an hour a day and lost a whopping 1 pound).

But I've decided if I don't get the weight loss pills, I'm staying off birth control. I can't waste my precious TTC time sitting around on birth control waiting to afford an IUI (which will no doubt be more expensive now). I've gotten pregnant before on my own and I'm confident we can do it again. I don't care if it takes another year, I'm not wasting my time on birth control anymore. The only time I will do birth control again is the month before we do an IUI to make sure I have no cysts that could cause a problem.

Ya know, a friend of mine said to me, 'When will you guys catch a break'? Believe me, I'm wondering the same thing.

11DPO

Things aren't looking good folks. The progesterone is going down.

My Usual Temp Drop After 10DPO

As well as my symptoms.

Today, it's simply some slightly sore boobs (nothing compared to what they've been) and some cramps.

I should add that my cervix has been hurting which means it's most likely opening due to my impending period. I realize that might sound weird but whenever I'm getting close to ovulation or my period, my cervix gets achy or straight up shooting pains going through it. I'm very in tune with my body so I notice everything.

I was really hoping for my Christmas BFP but I guess Santa decided some 16 year old needs to do a show on MTV instead. =/

6DPO

I swear I feel 90% of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms before pregnancy is even possible. Today I have cramps (for whatever reason) and my c/s scar is aching a bit. The boobs are sore, but no where near as bad as last night.

Last night they hurt to breathe I swear. And my temperature was 99.20° which is super high for me. Even after ovulation. This morning my temp went up a decent amount which I expected because I clearly had a progesterone spike last night.

But I can't take any of this with anything less than a grain of salt. My temp usually stays up pretty high until around 9-10DPO, and while I did implant on 5DPO with my daughter, I haven't felt anything like I did when she implanted. Just some pains here and there but nothing I would consider comparable to when I really implanted.

But it's what keeps me sane. I'm not exactly a pessimistic person (more of a realist I'd say) but the only time I managed to stay pregnant, I felt it and it was early. I just don't believe I could be pregnant if I don't feel implantation by 5DPO.

Although due to wacky sleeping times my ovulation could be off by a day so today very well could be 5DPO.

I guess we'll just need to wait and see.

And hey Santa, I'd really like a + for Christmas.

And It Begins...

Got my crosshairs today. You think I'd be all like WOOOO! but I'm just not. I'm gonna need at least 3 more days of high temps before I believe I really did. I had none of my regular ovulation symptoms (well ok, smelling everything in a 5 mile radius did happen so I guess I can't say none) and I just don't feel like I did.

Maybe it's because I've never ovulated this early on my own. Well, ok, I ovulated on my own on CD24 my first cycle after the wee one was born but this is CD22 here! And no recent birth. Just crappy birth control pills.

But anyway, I'm in the 2ww now, and while I hate how long it is, I'm not too stressed about it. If it works, it'll be a damn Christmas miracle and I will be happier than probably anyone I know (I was gonna throw something funny in there but I deemed it inappropriate), and if it doesn't, well, we have an IUI coming up soon. One month of birth control and we dive right in.

So needless to say while I'm hoping for some great "I got my BFP for Christmas" story, I think I'll be just ok if we don't.

At least as long as the IUI works...