Long Overdue Update

So a friend of mine recently started blogging. I then realized I haven't blogged in quite a while. Mostly it's because we are stuck not trying for now, but we also recently moved so much of my time has been consumed by that.

So let's see. What has happened since my last post...

We moved. Thank goodness! We finally got a house on post and best of all, it's a brand new house, I mean brand.new. No one has lived in it since it was built so it was nice to come in and have to do generally deep cleaning rather than clean up previous tenant's mess deep cleaning.

We bought a new car! Well, an SUV crossover really. It's a 2013 Dodge Journey. It was a pain in the butt to get it due to the first dealership we went to trying to royally screw us over by only offering us $500 for my 2009 Cobalt sedan (among other things they tried to screw us over with) which is in perfect running condition and has general wear and tear for a 4 year old car that has traveled from Alaska to Louisiana to Buffalo (and back and forth between the 2 over 2 years) to Disney World to Oklahoma to Ft. Benning back to Oklahoma and back and forth to Buffalo a couple times. It had 80,000 miles on it. You get the picture lol. We ended up going to a different dealer who was MUCH more cooperative and instantly gave us $6500 for our trade in and a helluva better deal (no money down and still cheaper than the other guys where we were gonna put $2,000 down) We also got to save on taxes since hubby is still a resident of Alaska. Woot!

I've lost weight! At this point I'm 1.5 months-ish deep into weight loss pills. I have officially, as of today, lost 16.3 pounds. I'm hoping to squeeze out at the very least 5 more pounds. Initially my goal weight was 120 with my ultimate goal weight being 115. I only have to lose 1.7lbs to get to my original goal weight so I think that one is pretty doable. I'm fairly confident I can make it to 115 too.

And last, but certainly not least, we have an appointment set for our new RE!!! We go on April 26th for our first appointment. I've been researching her like crazy and I really like what I'm reading. She so far seems very accomplished, intelligent, and progressive. And every patient review I've read says she is very nice, will take the time to answer questions you may have (and not make you feel rushed) and more than 1 said she didn't make you feel like a statistic. I still worry about the 3 IUI limit before moving to IVF, but I really think just 1 IUI is all we will need. (I hope)

So that is what is going on with me right now. Some more waiting but at least this time we know an IUI is most certainly in our future. The money is there and waiting and so are the meds. Just gotta see if they are gonna have me do a month of birth control first (which I assume they will since I haven't had my period since 1/18).

Shit just got real.

We Are On TTC Hold.

So with not having an RE at the moment, and me being in limbo on whether or not I'm going to get these weight loss pills, we are on a TTC hold.

I hate it.

Seriously, I get it.

I can't get pregnant without an RE, with this weight on me, or while on birth control. But that's just what I'm going to have to deal with I guess. I don't know how long it's going to take to find a new RE that will accept my stupid insurance, and if I don't get the weight loss pills, who knows how long it will take me to lose this weight (believe me I've tried and worked out for a month straight 6-7 days a week for an hour a day and lost a whopping 1 pound).

But I've decided if I don't get the weight loss pills, I'm staying off birth control. I can't waste my precious TTC time sitting around on birth control waiting to afford an IUI (which will no doubt be more expensive now). I've gotten pregnant before on my own and I'm confident we can do it again. I don't care if it takes another year, I'm not wasting my time on birth control anymore. The only time I will do birth control again is the month before we do an IUI to make sure I have no cysts that could cause a problem.

Ya know, a friend of mine said to me, 'When will you guys catch a break'? Believe me, I'm wondering the same thing.

Cycle Update And Future Plans

I realize I haven't updated the rest of my cycle but it really doesn't matter. I had a hefty temperature drop yesterday morning and then right before bed I started spotting. I woke up with quite the flow this morning.

So I'm not pregnant.

Now I could go straight into my birth control today, finish a month of that out and then do our IUI after that but I just can't do that without losing weight first. The main reasons we can't get pregnant on our own are because I don't ovulate on my own (well, normally) and my cervical fluid is too hostile. I know that. But another reason is my weight. PCOS has been unkind to me in that department and when we first started trying for a baby back in 2007, I stopped taking birth control and went from 95lbs to 135lbs in a year. I gained nearly 20lbs in the first 6 months alone. I've been skinny as a twig my whole life with no trying whatsoever and now I'm just huge*. And I hate it.

So here is the plan.

I have a doctor's appointment on the 4th to get weight loss pills from my doctor. She had offered them to me back in July but I really wanted to try on my own because I figured with some exercise and watching what I ate and reducing my caloric intake, I could lose the weight in no time. Yeah, that hasn't exactly worked. I actually weigh 7 pounds more now than when I first started working out. I know some could argue it's muscle, but it's not. And I know it's not because I am still fat. I did lose some inches on my waist and my hips but it is slowly coming back and it's really not helping to motivate me to exercise. I mean, who wants to kill themselves 7 days a week for no results? I spent at least 7 hours a week exercising for little to no change and I think these pills will help me out for sure.

And before anyone starts thinking, 'oh you're just looking for a quick fix', well, I'm not. I know I am still going to have to exercise and watch what I eat. That is not an issue for me. The issue is doing everything right and getting no results. I need a little booster to help me along. I've read countless stories of women who use weight loss pills and rave about how they lost X amount of weight in X amount of time and 'I didn't have to workout once'!

That's not realistic.

And trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't actually need it. I'm no fan of taking medicine for anything unless I really need to. And right now I'm desperate.

And I should add this isn't a completely vain thing either. Do I want to look good and get skinny again? Yes, but that is not the only reason I am doing this (especially since if I lose the weight and then get pregnant, I'll gain about 20lbs back). The number 1 right now is to conceive. It's just not gonna happen at this weight and I can't spend all that money on an IUI for it to not work because I'm overweight. I got pregnant with Charlie when I was around 124lbs and I need to lose 13lbs to get to that weight. I'd like to lose 20lbs total but I think 15lbs will be just enough. I don't want to lose too much at this point because I know that won't help either. Another reason is health. Between my PCOS and my mom having diabetes, I am at double the risk of most people for getting it. Not to mention I ended up with gestational diabetes while I was pregnant cuz I stopped taking Metformin (I literally failed by 1 point). And I don't need any heart disease issues that are already elevated from PCOS too.

And I want to be fit enough to play with my daughter for extended periods of time and if by chance I do end up pregnant, I don't want to have to stop playing with her because I'm pregnant and too tired. I want to keep my energy levels up and being heavy doesn't exactly give you much energy.

Ok, and I'd also love to look pregnant next time around, not just fat.

I just hope she doesn't change her mind about giving me these pills because I really have tried to lose weight on my own and I just need help.

So there's the plan. Lose this weight, do a month of birth control to get any residual weight loss pills out of my system (and get rid of any potential cysts on my ovaries), and then do the IUI. I'm figuring this will take anywhere from 2-4 months.

*I should probably mention that I'm not morbidly obese or anything like that. I'm 5'1" and 137.1lbs. I'm just overweight. I didn't hit the 100lb mark until I went off birth control so we could start TTC 6 years ago. Up until then my weight was a near constant 95lbs. So while some people may be like omg get over it you're not that huge, to me, I am. I'm at my heaviest and I am now nearly 50lbs heavier than I was before TTC. Not. Cool.

Work It Out

I've recently started seriously exercising. I need to lose weight not just for fertility's sake but for me. Up until I stopped birth control 6 years ago, I had never weighed 100lbs. As soon as I stopped taking birth control I went from 95lbs (don't worry, I'm only 5'1") to 135 in about a year. Ouch. I'd really love to get back down to 95lbs but I'd be happy at 115lbs. I was about 112lbs when I got married in June of '07 and oddly enough I felt fat then. I wish I was that "fat" again.

So through the wonder of Pinterest, I found some Ballet inspired exercises called Barre 3. Since I had gotten so horribly out of shape, the first 3 days absolutely kicked my ass. Even now I find myself still having to push myself on some of them. BUT, I have lost 2.5 inches on my waist and an inch off my hips so I guess I can't really complain. Not to mention I'm finally getting the muscle back in my legs that I lost when I first moved out of state and stopped rollerblading every day. I've also added some other exercises that I alternate every other day with and that would be a total body workout that is also Ballet inspired (this one) and then a Pilates exercise that targets your legs and core (this one). I'm also going to start doing some fertility yoga to try to calm my body down and get things working properly for when we do our IUI.

I haven't lost any weight according to my last weigh in yesterday morning. I actually gained .2 pounds but I think that may be muscle weight. Or it's just the little weight fluctuation that happens daily. Either way, I'm not too worried about it. I'm just happy I found exercises I like doing and that are totally fun. I used to do 30 minutes on my Elliptical and it was torture. I'd be ready to quit about 5-10 minutes in. With these exercises, I do 30 minutes before I even realize it. The variety really helps a lot. I'm doing a different exercise every 10 minutes with the Barre 3 ones and it really helps the workout go faster. Not including my flexibility stretching I do a few times a day, I worked out for 70 minutes yesterday and I didn't even realize it. And I even felt great after. Not the usual overheated, nauseous, feel-like-I'm-gonna-die feeling I used to get after doing the Elliptical.

So hopefully I can drop some weight before our IUI because I think it will greatly increase our chances of it working. I weighed 119lbs when I got pregnant with the little one and I really don't think that was a coincidence.