16 Weeks

This Pregnancy So Far

I haven't updated in forever. We'll just blame that on lack of time and energy. The first trimester whooped my butt in terms of fatigue and most days I could barely keep my eyes open for a few hours at a time. Had a little bit of nausea (a bit more than just the gagging of my pregnancy with Charlie) and have had some pretty massive headaches.

I'm currently 15 weeks and 2 days! Time was going so slow at first (probably due to waiting for the ultrasounds and my first prenatal appointment) but now it feels like it's speeding up. Not sure how I feel about that since this could be my last pregnancy and I'm really trying to savor every moment.

We've had 2 ultrasounds so far. First one on June 24th...

Baby's Debut At 6 Weeks 5 Days. Measured 6 Weeks 3 Days HR 118

And the second one on July 8th...

Baby Measured Dead On At 8 weeks 5 Days HR 166

We won't have another one until I'm 20 weeks because the military hospital I go to operates a little wacky in my opinion. When I first went to make my appointment around 7 weeks in preparation of being released by my RE, they told me that I had to come in and do a blood test to confirm pregnancy or they can't make my first appointment. I argued that I had already had 2 betas done and 1 ultrasound (and would have another by the time I came in) so I'm sure I'm pregnant and they said no go. I asked if getting records from my RE would suffice and she said it should. Well, it didn't. On top of the fact that they won't even think of seeing you until 12 weeks (their reasoning is they can't hear the heartbeat on doppler before then so they don't make appointments until they can. Funny, I heard my baby's heartbeat on my doppler at 8 weeks 3 days...), they insisted they needed a positive blood test on record through their hospital. Ok, fine, whatever. I needed the full prenatal panel anyway. 

But now this is where I think things get annoying/odd. They absolutely needed a positive blood test for their records, but they don't need an ultrasound from their own hospital for their records.

HUH???

How on earth do they accurately date a pregnancy? Not everyone that walks through those doors knows when they ovulated or even when their last period was for that matter. Do they just guess? At first I thought that I wasn't getting one because I had already had some through my RE but they told me at my "one on one" that they just don't do them until 20 weeks. 

Boy do I feel sorry for any woman who is going to be surprised by twins halfway through their pregnancy.

And boy am I happy I was seeing an RE. Can you imagine the wreck I would have been of going half my pregnancy with no ultrasound. Don't think so!

So far the only thing I am truly impressed with concerning their care is that they are going to allow me to do a VBAC (or a TOLAC* as they call it). Don't get me wrong I'm fairly excited that there are midwives there too, but in a military hospital, it doesn't matter who you like. Who you get depends on what day of the week and what time of day you go into labor. Midwives are during the day and the doctors (all male might I add) are at night. I'm not really surprised at that though. It's how it was when I had my daughter. The doctor who delivered my baby I had only met the day before when she was telling me my water broke and I was being admitted and induced.

Oh well.

Next appointment is on September 3rd and I guess that's when we'll see if I get another odd look/question (is your bladder full) when they check the size of my uterus.

*For those that have never heard this term before, it's called Trial Of Labor After Cesarean. I had only heard of this being referred to as a VBAC but the midwife there insists that a VBAC is when you have successfully given birth naturally after a c-section. The attempt itself is called a TOLAC. Whatever.

And I leave you with this...

15 Weeks

This Is Why I've Been So Quiet

I'M PREGNANT!!!!

I can't believe our first IUI worked!

After MULTIPLE home tests, we went for the initial beta today and it came back at 113!

We have our second beta on Thursday and fingers crossed it doubles!

CD9

Ok, lesson of the day. Don't take an OPK too soon after ending Clomid because you can get a false positive. I've never had a problem with that before but I guess there's always that possibility.

But anyway, here's the symptom list...

• Hot Flashes
• Cervix Pain
• "Fullness" in my lower abdomen by my ovaries

CD8

Wow was yesterday a cranky day for me. I was wondering when the Clomid mood swings would really set in lol. Luckily I have an awesome husband who knows it's just the meds talking. (love you!)

This Picture Immediately Came To Mind

So here is the list of symptoms for today (and as always, it's updated as they occur):

• Tired (could just be the past week catching up with me though)
• Sensitive Nipples
• Ovary Pressure
• Cramping (especially in ovary area)
• Ovary Pain
• Hot Flashes

We Are On TTC Hold.

So with not having an RE at the moment, and me being in limbo on whether or not I'm going to get these weight loss pills, we are on a TTC hold.

I hate it.

Seriously, I get it.

I can't get pregnant without an RE, with this weight on me, or while on birth control. But that's just what I'm going to have to deal with I guess. I don't know how long it's going to take to find a new RE that will accept my stupid insurance, and if I don't get the weight loss pills, who knows how long it will take me to lose this weight (believe me I've tried and worked out for a month straight 6-7 days a week for an hour a day and lost a whopping 1 pound).

But I've decided if I don't get the weight loss pills, I'm staying off birth control. I can't waste my precious TTC time sitting around on birth control waiting to afford an IUI (which will no doubt be more expensive now). I've gotten pregnant before on my own and I'm confident we can do it again. I don't care if it takes another year, I'm not wasting my time on birth control anymore. The only time I will do birth control again is the month before we do an IUI to make sure I have no cysts that could cause a problem.

Ya know, a friend of mine said to me, 'When will you guys catch a break'? Believe me, I'm wondering the same thing.

7DPO

Holy round ligament type pains!

I've been having them since 2 days after I ovulated when I stand up (the exact same pains I got when I was pregnant) so you can imagine my optimism at this point.

Boobs still hurt and are huge (more than normal!), still crampy, lower back hurts, bloated, a little bit irritable today.

I can't contain my hope!!!!!

I know I'm being mildly ridiculous since it's only 7DPO but a girl can dream...can't she?

You'd Think I'd Be Used To Waiting By Now

Between TTC and deployments, you'd think I'd be totally used to waiting for things. Waiting for ovulation, waiting for a birth control cycle to end, waiting for even a chance at having a baby, waiting for Hubby to come home etc.

I should be all cool, calm, and collected.

But really, I'm all like this...

Just confirm the damn ovulation already!!!!!

I think some of the worst of waiting during TTC is the waiting for ovulation confirmation. As if it's not bad enough that it usually takes me 149459397845 days to ovulate, I then have to wait an extra 3-4 days for a thermal shift to register on my chart.

I know, I know, 3 days is not that much.

Normally. 

But 3 days in TTC time is worse than 5 minutes in football time. It. Goes On. For-ev-er.

And then, once you finally do get those elusive crosshairs, you get to spend the next 2 weeks waiting to find out if your uterus will turn into a temporary house for your precious little baby, or if it will go apeshit and throw a huge temper tantrum.

I just couldn't NOT post this bit of hilarity

So that's where I'm at right now. Waiting to see if my surge was real and that I did indeed ovulate. My head is leaning towards no because my only "symptoms" of ovulation I've had this time around are my boobs got a bit bigger/fuller (of course) and the nips seem to be a tad more sensitive. 

But my chart looks pretty good. I had a temp rise yesterday morning but I can't count on that one because I took it way later than normal since the wee one was up for some unknown reason til nearly 5am but today's went up pretty good and I actually got the 3 hours of sleep I needed before-hand and I even temped at the proper time. (Ok, actually I temped 15 minutes earlier cuz that's when Hubby got up but it still counts as on time by FF standards).

So now, I WAIT.

Tick Tick Tick

Miss Vito, I feel ya.

Just direct the rant at my uterus and change the words marriage/married to pregnancy/pregnant.

With everyone around me getting pregnant for free, I feel so restless that I am not and cannot get pregnant for free. Let's face it, I ain't gettin any younger here. I just turned 28 and due to the awesomeness that is infertility, I have about 2 years left before things start getting really hard.

I feel like part of my frustration is I've known since before we conceived Charlie that my cervical fluid is the problem. I know what EWCM is supposed to look like* and I know I don't have it. I get just barely EWCM at best. Not stretchy enough to be considered perfect EWCM but not thin enough to just be considered watery.

This is why I am not getting pregnant (well, that and the whole I-don't-ovulate-on-my-own thing) and I feel like if my doctors would just listen to me** we could most likely have a baby already. And this is why it is straight up making me crazy to sit here and have to wait until I can afford to pay to try to have a baby and these little bitches are just running around getting pregnant by having sex for 3 whole days out of a month and BAM pregnant.

But I'm not bitter or anything...

I know all these girls are jealous there's a team of doctors and nurses that are involved in my baby making. They're totally jealous that I get to take hormones and get crazy and get hot flashes and get the ever-so-comfortable dildo cam at least twice a cycle and I'm sure they're jealous I don't have to actually have sex to get pregnant since the doctor will be injecting my uterus with my husband's baby juice.

Jealous. Yeah...right.

I just am really hoping and wishing that his back pay comes in soon. I want to at least try. And hopefully I'll be right about my CM and we'll get pregnant right away.

If not, my husband and uterus better expect some loud ticking...






*Mother nature and her cruel sense of humor gave me EWCM as a teenager...while on birth control. Of course at this point I thought I had some kind of std or something because I had really good EWCM and I thought it was completely abnormal. I'm sorry for wishing you away, please come back.

**If doctors would take the time to listen to their patients once in a while, a lot of time could be saved sometimes. I told my doctor it would be best to start me on 100mg of Clomid instead of the 50mg because I've done this before and I know how my body reacts to it. He starts me on 50mg and on CD14 when I didn't have any follies close to the size they were supposed to be, he says I should have started you at 100mg. I wanted to smack him and yell, Yeah, I think I may have mentioned that already! I also mentioned how I never get EWCM on Clomid or not and he still seemed fairly shocked when I failed to post coital test. *Facepalm*

Some People...

How do you deal with people who don't understand what infertility is like? I've been going through this for just under 6 years and I have no clue how to handle people sometimes.

For instance.

I posted on good ol' Facebook about how after 3 pregnancy announcements hit me in the face in a row in a matter of minutes, I couldn't take anymore and I was extremely bitter about it. I was especially unhappy about one girl in particular for some very good reasons and I even ended my post with 'if you think I'm being selfish try walking even just 10 steps in my shoes and then tell me how you feel'. Well, of course the only person who comments is my mother (not that I posted it for attention or sympathy but a little acknowledgment would be nice and you can bet if it was a political post I'd have 57885379001 responses) but one person (a fertile myrtle of course) had made a post of their own and maybe it's paranoia, but I felt like it was directed at me.

"Blah blah blah I'm thankful for people who are happy for others blah blah blah etc"

I can't remember what it all said but the gist of it is she's glad there are people that can see through their pain and be happy for others.

I'm sure if she couldn't pop kids out like a broken gumball machine she'd still feel the same way...NOT!