Well Happy New Year To Me

Today we got a letter in the mail from my RE's office. I thought to myself, great, this must be a bill or something for something Tricare decided not to cover.

Well, I was wrong. It's a letter to inform me that my doctor will be retiring 1 month from today.

The letter recommends we go to Oklahoma University for treatment and so far research has shown that they will only do 3 IUIs and then your only option is IVF.

We simply cannot afford IVF. Especially since Tricare will not cover anything at all for anything that isn't timed intercourse.

So needless to say I'll be discussing my options with my doctor on the 4th to see who we can go to and how long it will take to get an appointment.

I'm feeling pretty defeated right now. Especially since I had to start birth control again last night.

And it's going to drive me nuts never knowing just how much an IUI would have cost with my doctor now.

Cycle Update And Future Plans

I realize I haven't updated the rest of my cycle but it really doesn't matter. I had a hefty temperature drop yesterday morning and then right before bed I started spotting. I woke up with quite the flow this morning.

So I'm not pregnant.

Now I could go straight into my birth control today, finish a month of that out and then do our IUI after that but I just can't do that without losing weight first. The main reasons we can't get pregnant on our own are because I don't ovulate on my own (well, normally) and my cervical fluid is too hostile. I know that. But another reason is my weight. PCOS has been unkind to me in that department and when we first started trying for a baby back in 2007, I stopped taking birth control and went from 95lbs to 135lbs in a year. I gained nearly 20lbs in the first 6 months alone. I've been skinny as a twig my whole life with no trying whatsoever and now I'm just huge*. And I hate it.

So here is the plan.

I have a doctor's appointment on the 4th to get weight loss pills from my doctor. She had offered them to me back in July but I really wanted to try on my own because I figured with some exercise and watching what I ate and reducing my caloric intake, I could lose the weight in no time. Yeah, that hasn't exactly worked. I actually weigh 7 pounds more now than when I first started working out. I know some could argue it's muscle, but it's not. And I know it's not because I am still fat. I did lose some inches on my waist and my hips but it is slowly coming back and it's really not helping to motivate me to exercise. I mean, who wants to kill themselves 7 days a week for no results? I spent at least 7 hours a week exercising for little to no change and I think these pills will help me out for sure.

And before anyone starts thinking, 'oh you're just looking for a quick fix', well, I'm not. I know I am still going to have to exercise and watch what I eat. That is not an issue for me. The issue is doing everything right and getting no results. I need a little booster to help me along. I've read countless stories of women who use weight loss pills and rave about how they lost X amount of weight in X amount of time and 'I didn't have to workout once'!

That's not realistic.

And trust me, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't actually need it. I'm no fan of taking medicine for anything unless I really need to. And right now I'm desperate.

And I should add this isn't a completely vain thing either. Do I want to look good and get skinny again? Yes, but that is not the only reason I am doing this (especially since if I lose the weight and then get pregnant, I'll gain about 20lbs back). The number 1 right now is to conceive. It's just not gonna happen at this weight and I can't spend all that money on an IUI for it to not work because I'm overweight. I got pregnant with Charlie when I was around 124lbs and I need to lose 13lbs to get to that weight. I'd like to lose 20lbs total but I think 15lbs will be just enough. I don't want to lose too much at this point because I know that won't help either. Another reason is health. Between my PCOS and my mom having diabetes, I am at double the risk of most people for getting it. Not to mention I ended up with gestational diabetes while I was pregnant cuz I stopped taking Metformin (I literally failed by 1 point). And I don't need any heart disease issues that are already elevated from PCOS too.

And I want to be fit enough to play with my daughter for extended periods of time and if by chance I do end up pregnant, I don't want to have to stop playing with her because I'm pregnant and too tired. I want to keep my energy levels up and being heavy doesn't exactly give you much energy.

Ok, and I'd also love to look pregnant next time around, not just fat.

I just hope she doesn't change her mind about giving me these pills because I really have tried to lose weight on my own and I just need help.

So there's the plan. Lose this weight, do a month of birth control to get any residual weight loss pills out of my system (and get rid of any potential cysts on my ovaries), and then do the IUI. I'm figuring this will take anywhere from 2-4 months.

*I should probably mention that I'm not morbidly obese or anything like that. I'm 5'1" and 137.1lbs. I'm just overweight. I didn't hit the 100lb mark until I went off birth control so we could start TTC 6 years ago. Up until then my weight was a near constant 95lbs. So while some people may be like omg get over it you're not that huge, to me, I am. I'm at my heaviest and I am now nearly 50lbs heavier than I was before TTC. Not. Cool.

11DPO

Things aren't looking good folks. The progesterone is going down.

My Usual Temp Drop After 10DPO

As well as my symptoms.

Today, it's simply some slightly sore boobs (nothing compared to what they've been) and some cramps.

I should add that my cervix has been hurting which means it's most likely opening due to my impending period. I realize that might sound weird but whenever I'm getting close to ovulation or my period, my cervix gets achy or straight up shooting pains going through it. I'm very in tune with my body so I notice everything.

I was really hoping for my Christmas BFP but I guess Santa decided some 16 year old needs to do a show on MTV instead. =/

9DPO And 10DPO

I didn't get a chance to update yesterday (drama with Charlie wanting to see Santa and then flipping when she saw him) so we're going to do a double update post.

9DPO
My boobs HURT. Like, hurt so bad I'm gonna be straight pissed if I don't end up pregnant and all this pain is for nothing. And it feels like I have implants in because they are kind of hard and just all around not comfortable.

Cramps as usual, backache, some twinges, tired, nausea, headache, heartburn, mood swings...pretty much PMS in a nutshell for me. Ok, except for the overwhelming urge to puke while out to lunch with hubby and Charlie. But that could have just been the Burger King.

10DPO
Took a test this morning. BFN. As I've stated before, if I don't get a positive by 10DPO, I count myself out (although if my ovulation was off by a day, tomorrow would actually be 10DPO so there's   a little hope. But I'm not counting on it).

So far my symptoms today are boob pain (a little less than previous days but still pretty bad), twinges, irritability, tired, slight hormonal headache.

No cramps as of yet but it's still relatively early in the day. Started getting mild intermittent cramping just as I was about to publish this post.

Pretty positive I'm out and we'll be forced to pay an arm and a leg for an IUI.

Can't wait! (There really needs to be a sarcasm font)

Fun Facts:

• We started TTC #2 in September of 2010.

• We are moving on to month 19 (had to take out some actual trying time due to hubby's 3rd deployment)

• Out of the time we have spent TTC #2, I have only ovulated 7 times. One of which resulted in a chemical pregnancy...while in Disney World (I don't know how I get so lucky).

• Since I started seeing my RE in July, I have ovulated just once with his help (this cycle I O'd all on my own). I have spent more time on birth control since seeing him than actually doing anything.

8DPO

Not much to report today. Boobs are very sore but more in the nipple area. Not like last night when it hurt to move lol.

I'm tired, but I've pretty much been tired since ovulation. Progesterone does that to me so I can't really count anything on it. Hubby is very optimistic about this particular symptom, but then again he always is. He thinks because he was totally right about when I was pregnant with the little one, he's going to be right all the time. Ya can't blame him for wishing though.

My thoughts are I'm still not sure if I am. I didn't really feel pregnant when I was pregnant with my daughter, but we were in a position that it didn't really matter. I had an artificial insemination consultation in about 2 or 3 weeks so if it worked, great. If it didn't, we at least had a plan. And ironically, we are right at that same place now too. If I don't get pregnant this month, we are going to be doing an IUI. Maybe that's why I'm on the fence about it. That and I never like to get my hopes up because it makes all those negatives easier on me.

I plan on testing on 10DPO because that is when hubby urged me to test when I was pregnant with my daughter and I got a positive. I pretty much believe if I don't get a positive by then, it just isn't going to happen. I know that's not exactly logical because there are women who don't show positive til much later, or even after they are late for AF and every pregnancy is different. I guess it's just my natural defense against being too crushed.

As far as my temps, a little dip this morning but as we all know one temp doesn't mean much. That and I was a bit cold and I only got about 2 and a half hours of sleep before I temped. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow morning. Typically it would start to fall anyway. My highest temps seem to be the week after ovulation and then shift down a little.

If anyone wants to check out my chart, I have the link to it on the top of the right side column.

7DPO

Holy round ligament type pains!

I've been having them since 2 days after I ovulated when I stand up (the exact same pains I got when I was pregnant) so you can imagine my optimism at this point.

Boobs still hurt and are huge (more than normal!), still crampy, lower back hurts, bloated, a little bit irritable today.

I can't contain my hope!!!!!

I know I'm being mildly ridiculous since it's only 7DPO but a girl can dream...can't she?

6DPO

I swear I feel 90% of my imaginary pregnancy symptoms before pregnancy is even possible. Today I have cramps (for whatever reason) and my c/s scar is aching a bit. The boobs are sore, but no where near as bad as last night.

Last night they hurt to breathe I swear. And my temperature was 99.20° which is super high for me. Even after ovulation. This morning my temp went up a decent amount which I expected because I clearly had a progesterone spike last night.

But I can't take any of this with anything less than a grain of salt. My temp usually stays up pretty high until around 9-10DPO, and while I did implant on 5DPO with my daughter, I haven't felt anything like I did when she implanted. Just some pains here and there but nothing I would consider comparable to when I really implanted.

But it's what keeps me sane. I'm not exactly a pessimistic person (more of a realist I'd say) but the only time I managed to stay pregnant, I felt it and it was early. I just don't believe I could be pregnant if I don't feel implantation by 5DPO.

Although due to wacky sleeping times my ovulation could be off by a day so today very well could be 5DPO.

I guess we'll just need to wait and see.

And hey Santa, I'd really like a + for Christmas.

4DPO

Nothing to really report. Boobs are a bit sore but not like they usually are, I'm a bit crampy, but it obviously means nothing this early on sooooo that's what's going on.

I'm not sure how I feel about this cycle because it really doesn't matter if it doesn't work, we are going to do an IUI which I'm (overly) confident will work.

I wouldn't say I'm optimistic, but I wouldn't say I exactly feel like this cycle is doomed. Although I always feel like every cycle where my boobs don't hurt the way they did the day after ovulation when I was pregnant with the wee one is doomed.

And I haven't been wrong yet.

And It Begins...

Got my crosshairs today. You think I'd be all like WOOOO! but I'm just not. I'm gonna need at least 3 more days of high temps before I believe I really did. I had none of my regular ovulation symptoms (well ok, smelling everything in a 5 mile radius did happen so I guess I can't say none) and I just don't feel like I did.

Maybe it's because I've never ovulated this early on my own. Well, ok, I ovulated on my own on CD24 my first cycle after the wee one was born but this is CD22 here! And no recent birth. Just crappy birth control pills.

But anyway, I'm in the 2ww now, and while I hate how long it is, I'm not too stressed about it. If it works, it'll be a damn Christmas miracle and I will be happier than probably anyone I know (I was gonna throw something funny in there but I deemed it inappropriate), and if it doesn't, well, we have an IUI coming up soon. One month of birth control and we dive right in.

So needless to say while I'm hoping for some great "I got my BFP for Christmas" story, I think I'll be just ok if we don't.

At least as long as the IUI works...

You'd Think I'd Be Used To Waiting By Now

Between TTC and deployments, you'd think I'd be totally used to waiting for things. Waiting for ovulation, waiting for a birth control cycle to end, waiting for even a chance at having a baby, waiting for Hubby to come home etc.

I should be all cool, calm, and collected.

But really, I'm all like this...

Just confirm the damn ovulation already!!!!!

I think some of the worst of waiting during TTC is the waiting for ovulation confirmation. As if it's not bad enough that it usually takes me 149459397845 days to ovulate, I then have to wait an extra 3-4 days for a thermal shift to register on my chart.

I know, I know, 3 days is not that much.

Normally. 

But 3 days in TTC time is worse than 5 minutes in football time. It. Goes On. For-ev-er.

And then, once you finally do get those elusive crosshairs, you get to spend the next 2 weeks waiting to find out if your uterus will turn into a temporary house for your precious little baby, or if it will go apeshit and throw a huge temper tantrum.

I just couldn't NOT post this bit of hilarity

So that's where I'm at right now. Waiting to see if my surge was real and that I did indeed ovulate. My head is leaning towards no because my only "symptoms" of ovulation I've had this time around are my boobs got a bit bigger/fuller (of course) and the nips seem to be a tad more sensitive. 

But my chart looks pretty good. I had a temp rise yesterday morning but I can't count on that one because I took it way later than normal since the wee one was up for some unknown reason til nearly 5am but today's went up pretty good and I actually got the 3 hours of sleep I needed before-hand and I even temped at the proper time. (Ok, actually I temped 15 minutes earlier cuz that's when Hubby got up but it still counts as on time by FF standards).

So now, I WAIT.

December 11th Is Apparently A Good Day For Conception

So I read an article today about how December 11th is considered the most fertile day. Apparently a shit-ton of babies are conceived on this date.

I'm starting to believe this.

After getting what were thisclose to positive OPKs and then a day of EWCM, my temp rose and I got crosshairs on my chart. But I knew better than that. First off, my sleep was all over the place and on top of that, the wee one kept waking up at just the right time for me to not be able to temp or for it to be really inaccurate. Not to mention I had NO symptoms of impending ovulation at all and I know what I should be experiencing by now.

However, I got my (hopefully) real positive today, my temp dipped yesterday (which usually is what happens a few days before O), and I definitely feel a little "full" in my uterus/ovaries area.

Did I also mention this is a NON-medicated cycle and I'm only on CD21*?!

So here's to hoping that December 11th really is the most fertile day!

*I realize to some CD21 is actually quite late but with my crazy long cycles, this is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

If All Goes According To Plan...

We will be doing IUI in January!!!!!

Between the money we have saved up, the surprise $200 we got from Hubby's parents, and the money we will be getting for Christmas from my parents and my sister, we will have just about enough to do an IUI. Add in some extra money saved until then and we have enough. And might even have enough left over for a cheap lunch to go along with it!

So basically the plan right now is, start birth control, call for appointments, start Clomid and hope for the best.

This starts next Sunday. It will probably be the longest month of my life since we have already been 1) trying for our second one for so long and 2) we started going to our RE in July, and didn't even do our first Clomid cycle until the end of September.

Honestly, it isn't that bad though because it's only been a month and a half since we found out we had to do IUI and we already are doing it next month. I just wish Tricare would help with the cost a little bit more because we could be wasting a lot less time if they would. I'm not getting any younger here and military pay doesn't exactly support a procedure that will cost us anywhere from $450-$800(ish) out of pocket.*

So the game plan is set and we just have to wait it out now. I'm just crossing everything I have that the first time works.



*Well, they do cover it but you have to go to one of their Military Treatment Facilities (MTF) to have it covered and the nearest one to us is 7 hours away. Not exactly convenient.


For anyone interested in what happens in an IUI or doesn't know what it is, follow this link HERE to my info blog. There's also a pretty informative video to check out too.

Our Plans Have Changed

Mother nature decided to throw me a curveball and despite being on birth control, had my period come about 2 days early. Last month I was 2 days late. She's hilarious..really.

But alas! This means we can go ahead with IUI because I can get my prescription today and start it on Monday. And what's this?! The back pay came in! All is good in the world!

NOT!

I called to set up my IUI and I got 3 different prices and at this point we don't know if the money we have saved will be enough. (Tricare only covers infertility stuff until you move on to artificial insemination. It's all out of pocket from that point on). The doctor told me at my last appointment IUI would be $450. End of story. The nurse tells me when I call the procedure is $350 but I have to pay for appointments before and all my meds and $100 for a progesterone draw. But she doesn't know what it all will cost together. I called the receptionist and asked her what it will cost and she said the IUI is $195, sperm washing is $166, and my monitoring appointment could be anywhere from $221-280 and she has no clue what the meds will cost. That is a huge problem because last time, I had to go for 2 ultrasounds because I didn't respond well enough. (Side note: Anyone else find it weird an artificial insemination procedure costs less than an ultrasound???)

Well, we still were gonna go ahead and do the IUI. And then I realized we may be eating the dog due to lack of money and I'm sure the wee one wouldn't be too happy about that. See, on top of no one knowing what the procedures they do on a daily basis cost, his back pay was only for 2 months instead of 3. And they taxed the hell out of it. So we basically got about $250 less than what we had planned on. (How's that for ya? We're potentially short for the IUI by $200 and that's about the amount we didn't get that we were supposed to. The cosmos think they're comedians too apparently).

So needless to say, I'm calling Monday to cancel my ultrasound on the 3rd.

BUT

We are going to change things up. I'm breaking up with birth control (I'd like to say it's me, not you but we all know the truth, Mr. Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo) and we are gonna just try the good old fashioned way. We obviously know I can get pregnant, I've done it a few times before and I even got to keep one. So screw what my doctor and infertility say, and screw my non-operating ovaries. I'm gonna at least make an effort to try instead of sitting it out on birth control.

So our new plan is, we're gonna just do our thing until we can afford an IUI and if we don't get pregnant, fine. At least we've got the backup plan. (I realize it's very possible for me to not ovulate even once in that amount of time but at least I'll feel like we're still trying). And if we do end up pregnant by some miracle, well have an extra $700 or so to spend on a new baby.

It's a win/win!

So basically when this very weird period ends, I'm going to be taking either FertileCM or Maca, (or both together), grapefruit juice and lots of water (gotta get past my bad cm!), and going back to spending stupid amounts of money on OPKs. Throw in some temping, saliva microscopes and cervix checks and we're back in the game!!

And I'm quite happy about it :)

Tick Tick Tick

Miss Vito, I feel ya.

Just direct the rant at my uterus and change the words marriage/married to pregnancy/pregnant.

With everyone around me getting pregnant for free, I feel so restless that I am not and cannot get pregnant for free. Let's face it, I ain't gettin any younger here. I just turned 28 and due to the awesomeness that is infertility, I have about 2 years left before things start getting really hard.

I feel like part of my frustration is I've known since before we conceived Charlie that my cervical fluid is the problem. I know what EWCM is supposed to look like* and I know I don't have it. I get just barely EWCM at best. Not stretchy enough to be considered perfect EWCM but not thin enough to just be considered watery.

This is why I am not getting pregnant (well, that and the whole I-don't-ovulate-on-my-own thing) and I feel like if my doctors would just listen to me** we could most likely have a baby already. And this is why it is straight up making me crazy to sit here and have to wait until I can afford to pay to try to have a baby and these little bitches are just running around getting pregnant by having sex for 3 whole days out of a month and BAM pregnant.

But I'm not bitter or anything...

I know all these girls are jealous there's a team of doctors and nurses that are involved in my baby making. They're totally jealous that I get to take hormones and get crazy and get hot flashes and get the ever-so-comfortable dildo cam at least twice a cycle and I'm sure they're jealous I don't have to actually have sex to get pregnant since the doctor will be injecting my uterus with my husband's baby juice.

Jealous. Yeah...right.

I just am really hoping and wishing that his back pay comes in soon. I want to at least try. And hopefully I'll be right about my CM and we'll get pregnant right away.

If not, my husband and uterus better expect some loud ticking...






*Mother nature and her cruel sense of humor gave me EWCM as a teenager...while on birth control. Of course at this point I thought I had some kind of std or something because I had really good EWCM and I thought it was completely abnormal. I'm sorry for wishing you away, please come back.

**If doctors would take the time to listen to their patients once in a while, a lot of time could be saved sometimes. I told my doctor it would be best to start me on 100mg of Clomid instead of the 50mg because I've done this before and I know how my body reacts to it. He starts me on 50mg and on CD14 when I didn't have any follies close to the size they were supposed to be, he says I should have started you at 100mg. I wanted to smack him and yell, Yeah, I think I may have mentioned that already! I also mentioned how I never get EWCM on Clomid or not and he still seemed fairly shocked when I failed to post coital test. *Facepalm*

Work It Out

I've recently started seriously exercising. I need to lose weight not just for fertility's sake but for me. Up until I stopped birth control 6 years ago, I had never weighed 100lbs. As soon as I stopped taking birth control I went from 95lbs (don't worry, I'm only 5'1") to 135 in about a year. Ouch. I'd really love to get back down to 95lbs but I'd be happy at 115lbs. I was about 112lbs when I got married in June of '07 and oddly enough I felt fat then. I wish I was that "fat" again.

So through the wonder of Pinterest, I found some Ballet inspired exercises called Barre 3. Since I had gotten so horribly out of shape, the first 3 days absolutely kicked my ass. Even now I find myself still having to push myself on some of them. BUT, I have lost 2.5 inches on my waist and an inch off my hips so I guess I can't really complain. Not to mention I'm finally getting the muscle back in my legs that I lost when I first moved out of state and stopped rollerblading every day. I've also added some other exercises that I alternate every other day with and that would be a total body workout that is also Ballet inspired (this one) and then a Pilates exercise that targets your legs and core (this one). I'm also going to start doing some fertility yoga to try to calm my body down and get things working properly for when we do our IUI.

I haven't lost any weight according to my last weigh in yesterday morning. I actually gained .2 pounds but I think that may be muscle weight. Or it's just the little weight fluctuation that happens daily. Either way, I'm not too worried about it. I'm just happy I found exercises I like doing and that are totally fun. I used to do 30 minutes on my Elliptical and it was torture. I'd be ready to quit about 5-10 minutes in. With these exercises, I do 30 minutes before I even realize it. The variety really helps a lot. I'm doing a different exercise every 10 minutes with the Barre 3 ones and it really helps the workout go faster. Not including my flexibility stretching I do a few times a day, I worked out for 70 minutes yesterday and I didn't even realize it. And I even felt great after. Not the usual overheated, nauseous, feel-like-I'm-gonna-die feeling I used to get after doing the Elliptical.

So hopefully I can drop some weight before our IUI because I think it will greatly increase our chances of it working. I weighed 119lbs when I got pregnant with the little one and I really don't think that was a coincidence.

Some People...

How do you deal with people who don't understand what infertility is like? I've been going through this for just under 6 years and I have no clue how to handle people sometimes.

For instance.

I posted on good ol' Facebook about how after 3 pregnancy announcements hit me in the face in a row in a matter of minutes, I couldn't take anymore and I was extremely bitter about it. I was especially unhappy about one girl in particular for some very good reasons and I even ended my post with 'if you think I'm being selfish try walking even just 10 steps in my shoes and then tell me how you feel'. Well, of course the only person who comments is my mother (not that I posted it for attention or sympathy but a little acknowledgment would be nice and you can bet if it was a political post I'd have 57885379001 responses) but one person (a fertile myrtle of course) had made a post of their own and maybe it's paranoia, but I felt like it was directed at me.

"Blah blah blah I'm thankful for people who are happy for others blah blah blah etc"

I can't remember what it all said but the gist of it is she's glad there are people that can see through their pain and be happy for others.

I'm sure if she couldn't pop kids out like a broken gumball machine she'd still feel the same way...NOT!

My Hormones Are A Little Off

Usually PMS comes before your period shows up. Apparently not for me. I have been downright moody lately. Maybe it's because I'm still not pregnant, maybe it's because I'm angry I can't afford an IUI right now, maybe it's my hormones just trying to figure out why I went from ovulation stimulating pills to ovulation suppression pills, maybe it's because I'm too anxious to find out if I'm pregnant or not during the 2WW to notice PMS so it shows up afterwards. 

Either way, I'm a ticking time bomb lately it seems. I have zero patience for pretty much anything or anyone. I got all ticked off because someone I've known since kindergarten defriended me on facebook and even went as far as to post about it. 

And then yesterday I read an article that just irritated me about how teens feel they can't be who they really are because they are constantly trying to impress other teens and avoid being made fun of. First of all, stop being so damn sensitive (I was made fun of constantly in school for being short or not having clothes from the stupidly overpriced stores, I simply did not care). I blame this on parents who baby their kids and congratulate their kids for waking in the morning and teachers and coaches giving awards/trophies to kids just for participating. Second, maybe if the parents of these kids that the other kids feel they need to worship raised kids better, there wouldn't be the toxic recipe of overly sensitive kids and overly aggressive kids that bullying is made of.

Parents need to teach their kids to be the perfect balance of the above and I am trying my hardest to raise a child who is compassionate and strong and caring and tough. I'm also going to teach her that if you want something, you have to work for it, it isn't just going to fall into your lap like your teachers/coaches would like you to think. 

Ugh. 

I need a mental vacation from people I swear...

Mother Nature, I HATE YOU.

2 days. 2 DAYS LATE. I typically have a 15 day LP and I passed it by 2 days. I didn't think I could be late without being pregnant taking Clomid and the hCG shot, but I was.

And if that wasn't bad enough, I had this taunting me.

I let my hopes get the best of me and I truly thought this could be possible. AF didn't come yesterday like it should have. Yesterday was the last possible day I could get it. And the day came and went with nothing. I woke this morning and saw my temp dive and I knew it. It was in fact not possible. But I still, for some reason, held out hope even after the negative test because I still hadn't gotten my period. Well, at noon, it came. It was like a slap in the face. Like, "See, this is what you get for getting for hopes up stupid. You know better than to do that". I feel especially stupid since I knew after failing the post coital test that this wouldn't work. Hope is evil and I hate it.

So now we are on a forced break. We can't do IUI right now because I'm not gonna screw the little one on Christmas because we want to do something that may or may not work. So basically I'll be on birth control until probably our taxes come in.

This. Sucks.

I'm sure mother nature was far too busy knocking up some teenager for MTV, or a drug addict, or someone who either doesn't want or shouldn't have a baby right now due to not having a job or income etc to have time for me. Screw you.

Mother Nature, Why Must You Torment Me So?

I did not wake up with AF as I expected to. I'm due today. My luteal phase tends to fluctuate from 14-16 days, but on average it's 15 days. I realize it's not even noon yet here but this is giving me hope. That and my temp only went down a little. Usually on the day I get my period, my temp plummets so I'm either going to get it very late tonight or tomorrow. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. If AF doesn't get here by tonight, at least my morning temp will let me know what's going on. If it's still up and I haven't gotten my period still, I'm going to be one very happy girl. But I'm not counting on it.

Welcome

I've decided I don't want to intertwine my info blog with my personal life TOO much so I figured I'd keep anyone who is interested updated on our journey here. There won't be too much to write about in the upcoming 2 or so months since we will be on an unwanted TTC break, but whatever.

Currently I'm waiting for AF to arrive. It should be here today at the very earliest and Tuesday at the very latest. Normal would be tomorrow. I've gotten nothing but negative tests since the hCG from the trigger shot left my system so it's just a matter of waiting. It's very unlikely that we will be getting a positive since my cervical fluid sucks. Of course watch me get the positive and this whole blog will be a bust (or at least turned into a pregnancy blog).